One night, several months ago, my wife and I wound down with our usual pillow talk: expressions of gratitude for each other, our doggie daughter and our lives. By this time, Lilly, our Boston terrier, would’ve staked her bed-turf between us and peppered our faces with kisses. On that night, the space between my wife and me sat, empty.
We called out to Lilly. No answer. I tromped into the living room and found her: nose buried in a velveteen blanket she’d rumpled up just so, ears piqued, the whites of her whale eyes fixed upon me.
“Oh, baby,” I said. “Aren’t you coming to bed?”
Nothing. I repeated the invitation. Same result.
I slogged back to bed, crestfallen. I was six again and my bestie refused to play with me. My wife ruffled her brows. We beckoned into the night: “It’s okay, Lilly, you come when you want to.” She didn’t. Not that night, or for weeks to come.
I searched for reasons our pet sought out alternate sleeping quarters. The web offered several explanations:
Intruder alert. Some dogs are hard-wired to the role of sentry, especially at night when we’re most vulnerable. So, they may perch close to front doors and large windows instead of our bed. Some people willingly trade nighttime snuggles for a loving, early-warning system.
Getting to know you. Adopted pets have lived the traumas of abuse and/or abandonment. They may be skittish about their new environment (and the people in it). Please be patient. Respecting a pet’s space and adjustment process builds lasting trust and a lifetime of mutual rewards.
Stress-fests. An extension of above point. Pets are emotional sponges. Major life changes — our pet’s and ours — and disruptions in routine may trigger uncertainty and uneasiness around us. Pets may need to distance themselves during this time. Hold reactions to personal and world events in check.
Shiny distractions. That nocturnal squirrel scampering on a branch or the late-night chicken marsala leftovers your neighbor heats up vie for a pet’s attention. That doesn’t mean they love us any less. Sensory competition is usually short-lived — unless someone else is rewarding them for sleeping elsewhere.
Our Bed. Firmness and space count. We may find that tufted, memory foam comfy, but they may not. Generally, dogs prefer firmer surfaces. Do other pets sleep in bed with you? Three-plus can be a crowd on a full-sized mattress. Between-the-sheets scuffles can erupt. Shop for a bigger, firmer bed.
Bing! Wide awake. Pets get insomnia just like we do. Fortunately, pets don’t ruminate like we do. Lack of exercise or excessive napping during the day make for sleepless nights. Daytime boredom can lead to nighttime wandering or destructive behaviors. Remedies include food puzzles, training and long walks.
(Not) taking a leap. Our deep-profile mattress set atop a lofty frame may pose a Himalayan challenge to a teacup terrier or older dog with arthritis or hip dysplasia. Dogs recovering from injury shouldn’t jump onto high surfaces. Set a lower bar — or a cushy dog bed beside yours.
In Lilly’s case, a quick self-inventory gave us the answer. 2023 has been an unprecedented year of health, professional and financial challenges piled upon grief. Our emotional levies broke in a few places. Lilly’s been caught in the flood.
During this time of familial turbulence, our Lilly has struck the perfect somnolent solution. She starts in her plush, “burrito” bed and wakes up pressed against my wife or me.
There she goes again; taking care of all of us.